Signs, signs, everywhere signs
Believing the universe gives you signs is silly. Seeing Omens of fortune or doom are fabricated narratives; self-centered POVs that allow people to feel part of something bigger than themselves (which they are but not like that), or to believe their life is a mystery or riddle that can be solved if they just pay close enough attention (which they can, but not like that). The idea that the universe, or god, or karma has a message for you and chooses to communicate cryptically is delusional. AND YET, your life does have signs.
I am one of those who believes we are a part of the universe and it’s very difficult to not feel I am the center of it when in fact I AM the center of my universe. And it’s better to have a dialogue with your reality than not to – even if the dialogue is between you and a fictitious creation you perceive as real. The signs you see, and I am talking about the cosmic, pertaining only to you kind, are not fabricated. It is the evidence you must examine to determine the best course of action for yourself. In fact there are more signs telling you what you should do than even you realize. Sadly, people really like the magical/unique/bizarre ones because the flashier the sign the more meaning it has, right? But most signs are mundane and often the same ones everyone gets, so that isn’t as exciting, but those signs are no less important.
Examples of signs to consider vs signs to ignore:
You are putting on weight. That is a sign.
A raven circles your home. That is NOT a sign. That is a raven.
Your spouse smiles less. That is a sign.
A black cat crosses your path. That is NOT a sign. That is a cat.
“Kevin, why the hell are you writing about this?”
I’ve been ignoring some signs. I’ve become a victim of the belief we all fall into which is that I think something monumental must occur to make me do something or move me to action when a number of small things are telling me what I need to know, but because they are small they seem less meaningful.
A man is trapped on his roof, his entire neighborhood flooded. He says “Jesus/Universe/dead ancestor, save me from this flood!” An hour later a guy comes by with a small boat. He says, “the waters rising, get in!” The stranded man says, “I’m waiting for Jesus to save me!” So the man with the boat goes on. Another man with a boat comes by and the same exchange occurs. Finally a helicopter arrives and the man refuses to take the ladder, insisting The Lord will save him. Later, after he has drowned, he asks Jesus why he didn’t save him. Jesus says, “WTF, dude? I sent two boats and a chopper.”
So here are are signs I’ve been ignoring:
A few people ask to read what I am writing and if they do, they enjoy it. What do I wish the sign was? Everyone wants to read what I am writing and they have influence to propagate the writing and everyone enjoys it.
Three respectable companies inform me my play was a finalist for readings and they are eager to read the rewrite. What do I wish the sign was? Companies want to go into immediate production with said script and it’s heading to Broadway
My daughter asks when we can work on the script we are writing together. What do I wish the sign was?
Well, actually that was the sign that made the difference. She saw I was pretty discouraged the other day. She saw me giving signs that I was feeling like giving up. That I wasn’t sure what the point in writing was if it wasn’t fulfilling the potential I believe it has. She heard me discussing with a friend how I have difficulty mustering the strength it takes to turn on the computer and to organize my thoughts into a story and then, after chipping away at the words, going out into the world and asking people to read it. No one wants to read. And I understand. 9 times out of 10 the script or manuscript isn’t worth reading. When I’m asked to read things I am almost always disappointed. When I hold auditions 9 times out of 10 the actor doesn’t have what I want them to have. Reading takes time and if someone wants feedback then it also takes effort.
No one fails as much as actors. Audition after audition with occasionally something to show for it. But writers face a similar fate. Writing and writing and working and then selling it: by which mean – Trying to put it in people’s hands. People you never even meet. Sundance and Aurora sent me very nice responses saying the script was well liked by the reading committees and that it made the top 20 out of more than 300 but not the top five and that if I did a rewrite I could resubmit for next season with no entrance fee. I read these notices and said “it’s not good enough” and it was a defeat. The sign really said:
But it took the sign I hadn’t seen before, the one from my amazing daughter to realize I have to keep going. It’s still difficult to not think: I’m constantly failing at this.